Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
