Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
