No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
