I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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