I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
