I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's great music for shaving your balls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
