i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
