Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
