Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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