Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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