And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
