i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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