2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
