Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
