why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't put those talents on a resume
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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