My brain says no but my pants say off.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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