Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
