Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
