Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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