no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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