remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
