Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
