I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
