One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
