Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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