you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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