Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
