I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
