I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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