She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
