Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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