I hate all girls vehemently.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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