none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
