If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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