I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
