is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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