literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
