Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she pinky promised me she was 18
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
