This girl is more easily done than said...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
