dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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