It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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