There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
