your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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