Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
