So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
