Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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