Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
