I just saw a hot homeless man
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
