Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
