woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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