I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
