I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
