She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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