Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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