I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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