this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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