I have demons in me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
