I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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