I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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